And just like the song that inspired the title for this post, I don't know when I'll be back again.
Back at home again that is.
The past few weeks have been leading up to what will probably be THE most challenging time of my adult life so far.
Now because this is really a blog about fashion, I've tried to avoid going on and on about my health issues (although every once in a while I've been guilty of sneaking in a gory detail or two, or three). I don't want sympathy. But I've loved your support and encouraging thoughts. Those kind words always give me strength. And you know, I've often found that reading about what someone else is going through can maybe help a person better accept their own situation. So for that reason alone, I guess it's worth sharing personal stories that are not about fashion, even on a fashion blog.
Recently though, I've been guilty of blogging less, not answering comments, and being absent from commenting on blogs I love to read. So I do feel I owe my dear readers an explanation. Plus I'm told it's therapeutic to share your troubles. ;)
Lately, I have read about the health challenges other bloggers face too and because I've been feeling like crappy-poo myself (as in huge effort to do anything, like you seriously can't type or even form a coherent sentence when you can't breathe), I didn't get a chance to say I WANT TO SEND HUGE VIRTUAL HUGS to gals like Chloe, Gingersnap, and Sum Sunshine. I kinda, sorta, totally know what you're all going through ladies.
To start with, some of you may have noticed that I've lost weight in my pictures recently. And yup, you were right, it is the way it looks.
My weight loss hasn't been intentional, but I have to say it's given me some insight into how models must feel if they need to stop eating to stay skinny for their work. It might make the clothes hang well but IT'S NOT FUN!!
In addition to the airway problem I've been dealing with for some time now, I've also developed difficulty swallowing, an unfortunate side effect of treating the main problem...we think. So that brings me to the topic of this post. I'm leaving home indefinitely to seek treatment from a couple of our most esteemed specialist types on the other side of the country, who seem to be (I hope) more knowledgeable about what the best thing to do (or not do) for me will be at this stage.
Without their input and/or intervention my options seem limited and pretty scary right now. Either a complicated surgery where my trachea gets detached from my voice box, and the bad part gets cut out, then they reattach what's left (no, I don't think my lovely long neck will look shorter...but I'm sure it will feel that way and I could lose my voice). Or I could get a tracheotomy, where I could lose my voice too plus have to live with a plastic tubey-thing sticking out of my neck. And finally, maybe even a feeding tube. Yikes! *ABC cringes for the umpteenth time just thinking about these possibilities*
Honestly, I feel like I've been a human guinea pig these past couple of years. I've been poked, prodded, chemo'd, prednisoned, x-rayed and CT'd along with a dozen, yes a dozen, trips to the OR for the same procedure! It's so true what they say, that if the disease doesn't get you, then the treatment might.
Still, something positive has to come out of this at some point though, don't you agree dear readers?
Yes, exactly.
That's what I firmly believe too. Something good always comes out of something bad. You just have to spend time reflecting on what it is.
As for me, well, I'll be content when I can eat pizza and sushi again.
Seriously though, often it's only when you lose something you took fore granted before that you learn to truly appreciate what you have. So stop complaining people about piddly diddly little things like snow and rain and a bad hair day!!! :))
Just kidding.
I still complain about bad hair days too (and rain and snow, or lack of either) although less often now that I've gone past that awkward stage where you lose some but not all your long hair to chemo, and those bits around the ears and forehead start growing back, and you try everything including gluing them down with crazy glue...I mean hairspray...to keep from looking like you have newborn baby hair head...which IS cute on babies, but not so much on gown women with long hair!
So I now have tendrils. Yes, I'm officially in the tendril stage of regrowth...Yippee! I love tendrils! They're so pretty when I wear my hair up.
But I digress.
Pretty tendrils aside, this week has been insane for the ABC household. With my increasing symptoms, the surgeon has decided it's now unsafe for me to fly on a commercial jet.
So instead of maybe grabbing a few business class seats and freaking out some uppity businessmen mid flight when the paramedics try to revive me, I've been banished to having to charter my own private ambulance that will whisk me to my own private medical jet at the airport, which will then whisk me across the country, where I'll be whisked away again by a private ambulance at the other end.
Oh, and did I mention that the flight and rides include my own personal doctor and paramedic too? Yes, and they're ones who are specially trained to deal with my bizarre breathing problem!
And the cost of flying to see these specialists for treatment? You don't even want to know the price-tag that the ABC household is footing for this little one-way trip with a two-way trip price-tag (because of course all those lovely people who take me there also have to somehow come home). Well that's ok, because Mr. ABC and I planned to just hitch-hike back across the country anyway once I'm all fixed up!!
Seriously though, it's just money, right....never mind there goes my J.Crew clothes shopping budget for the next...oh..say...10 years or so!!! Not to mention the everyday stuff like food and shelter. But really it's a small price to pay if I get a chance to feel better again.
Isn't it funny how people always say that when faced with huge medical bills? ;)
And the ultimate kick in the behind for a fashionista? The place we'll be staying at has a walk-in closet but I can only bring one large suitcase with me on the flight!
You're seriously crimping my style there sucky disease!!
So if I want to keep taking pictures for my bloggy while I'm away from home, I suppose I'll need to pick and choose my pj's and medical appointment outfits carefully. Very, carefully. Come to think of it, this could be like a challenge to mix and match and get the most versatility from every piece I take. All 5 pieces that is. Humph!
OK, but now here's an easy one. Can you all guess what I'll be accessorizing my outfits with?
Yes, scarves are my new fashion staple because who knows how hideously mangled looking my neck will be at the end of what's ahead. I think I can rock scarves. And I decided that if at all possible, rather than imitate the surgeon by cropping off my neck, I'll accessorize my outfits with lovely scarves for my photos. I'll be just like Becky Bloomwood (aka The Shopaholic) with my signature scarves.
And because this is a fashion blog, I'll end on a fashion note. After all, I'm sure that the real reason J. Crew makes pretty dresses like the Merino Maya dress pictured above, is so people like me can feel better even when we feel crappy, just because we're wearing something lovely like this piece.
If all goes according to plan...I'm expecting to leave either on Saturday or Monday and will share my medical travel tales and outfit stylings from another city.
See you there!
Back at home again that is.
The past few weeks have been leading up to what will probably be THE most challenging time of my adult life so far.
Now because this is really a blog about fashion, I've tried to avoid going on and on about my health issues (although every once in a while I've been guilty of sneaking in a gory detail or two, or three). I don't want sympathy. But I've loved your support and encouraging thoughts. Those kind words always give me strength. And you know, I've often found that reading about what someone else is going through can maybe help a person better accept their own situation. So for that reason alone, I guess it's worth sharing personal stories that are not about fashion, even on a fashion blog.
Recently though, I've been guilty of blogging less, not answering comments, and being absent from commenting on blogs I love to read. So I do feel I owe my dear readers an explanation. Plus I'm told it's therapeutic to share your troubles. ;)
Lately, I have read about the health challenges other bloggers face too and because I've been feeling like crappy-poo myself (as in huge effort to do anything, like you seriously can't type or even form a coherent sentence when you can't breathe), I didn't get a chance to say I WANT TO SEND HUGE VIRTUAL HUGS to gals like Chloe, Gingersnap, and Sum Sunshine. I kinda, sorta, totally know what you're all going through ladies.
To start with, some of you may have noticed that I've lost weight in my pictures recently. And yup, you were right, it is the way it looks.
My weight loss hasn't been intentional, but I have to say it's given me some insight into how models must feel if they need to stop eating to stay skinny for their work. It might make the clothes hang well but IT'S NOT FUN!!
In addition to the airway problem I've been dealing with for some time now, I've also developed difficulty swallowing, an unfortunate side effect of treating the main problem...we think. So that brings me to the topic of this post. I'm leaving home indefinitely to seek treatment from a couple of our most esteemed specialist types on the other side of the country, who seem to be (I hope) more knowledgeable about what the best thing to do (or not do) for me will be at this stage.
Without their input and/or intervention my options seem limited and pretty scary right now. Either a complicated surgery where my trachea gets detached from my voice box, and the bad part gets cut out, then they reattach what's left (no, I don't think my lovely long neck will look shorter...but I'm sure it will feel that way and I could lose my voice). Or I could get a tracheotomy, where I could lose my voice too plus have to live with a plastic tubey-thing sticking out of my neck. And finally, maybe even a feeding tube. Yikes! *ABC cringes for the umpteenth time just thinking about these possibilities*
Honestly, I feel like I've been a human guinea pig these past couple of years. I've been poked, prodded, chemo'd, prednisoned, x-rayed and CT'd along with a dozen, yes a dozen, trips to the OR for the same procedure! It's so true what they say, that if the disease doesn't get you, then the treatment might.
Still, something positive has to come out of this at some point though, don't you agree dear readers?
Yes, exactly.
That's what I firmly believe too. Something good always comes out of something bad. You just have to spend time reflecting on what it is.
As for me, well, I'll be content when I can eat pizza and sushi again.
Seriously though, often it's only when you lose something you took fore granted before that you learn to truly appreciate what you have. So stop complaining people about piddly diddly little things like snow and rain and a bad hair day!!! :))
Just kidding.
I still complain about bad hair days too (and rain and snow, or lack of either) although less often now that I've gone past that awkward stage where you lose some but not all your long hair to chemo, and those bits around the ears and forehead start growing back, and you try everything including gluing them down with crazy glue...I mean hairspray...to keep from looking like you have newborn baby hair head...which IS cute on babies, but not so much on gown women with long hair!
So I now have tendrils. Yes, I'm officially in the tendril stage of regrowth...Yippee! I love tendrils! They're so pretty when I wear my hair up.
But I digress.
Pretty tendrils aside, this week has been insane for the ABC household. With my increasing symptoms, the surgeon has decided it's now unsafe for me to fly on a commercial jet.
So instead of maybe grabbing a few business class seats and freaking out some uppity businessmen mid flight when the paramedics try to revive me, I've been banished to having to charter my own private ambulance that will whisk me to my own private medical jet at the airport, which will then whisk me across the country, where I'll be whisked away again by a private ambulance at the other end.
Oh, and did I mention that the flight and rides include my own personal doctor and paramedic too? Yes, and they're ones who are specially trained to deal with my bizarre breathing problem!
And the cost of flying to see these specialists for treatment? You don't even want to know the price-tag that the ABC household is footing for this little one-way trip with a two-way trip price-tag (because of course all those lovely people who take me there also have to somehow come home). Well that's ok, because Mr. ABC and I planned to just hitch-hike back across the country anyway once I'm all fixed up!!
Seriously though, it's just money, right....never mind there goes my J.Crew clothes shopping budget for the next...oh..say...10 years or so!!! Not to mention the everyday stuff like food and shelter. But really it's a small price to pay if I get a chance to feel better again.
Isn't it funny how people always say that when faced with huge medical bills? ;)
And the ultimate kick in the behind for a fashionista? The place we'll be staying at has a walk-in closet but I can only bring one large suitcase with me on the flight!
You're seriously crimping my style there sucky disease!!
So if I want to keep taking pictures for my bloggy while I'm away from home, I suppose I'll need to pick and choose my pj's and medical appointment outfits carefully. Very, carefully. Come to think of it, this could be like a challenge to mix and match and get the most versatility from every piece I take. All 5 pieces that is. Humph!
OK, but now here's an easy one. Can you all guess what I'll be accessorizing my outfits with?
Yes, scarves are my new fashion staple because who knows how hideously mangled looking my neck will be at the end of what's ahead. I think I can rock scarves. And I decided that if at all possible, rather than imitate the surgeon by cropping off my neck, I'll accessorize my outfits with lovely scarves for my photos. I'll be just like Becky Bloomwood (aka The Shopaholic) with my signature scarves.
And because this is a fashion blog, I'll end on a fashion note. After all, I'm sure that the real reason J. Crew makes pretty dresses like the Merino Maya dress pictured above, is so people like me can feel better even when we feel crappy, just because we're wearing something lovely like this piece.
If all goes according to plan...I'm expecting to leave either on Saturday or Monday and will share my medical travel tales and outfit stylings from another city.
See you there!
